Raising Maine

By PATRICIA MCCARTHY, Raising Maine contributor

Jessica Radley quietly earned the Mrs. Maine title in May.

A bit concerned about how people would perceive her entering a pageant, Radley told only her husband, older son and two close friends about the whole process.

"This was my first pageant, and it wasn't something I was completely sure about or comfortable doing," says Radley, who, in hindsight, wouldn't change anything about her strategy. "Because hardly anybody knew, there was no pressure, and I had no expectations."

This competition was a big departure for Radley, who was always more sports-minded and never thought of herself as the "beauty-queen type."

Now she realizes there really isn't a "type," and she's very comfortable in the Mrs. Maine role, mainly because it gives her the ability to speak out about something near to her heart.
Radley had what she calls "a chaotic, very dysfunctional upbringing," surrounded by drug abuse and mental illness. She was one of four children – the only one to graduate from high school, let alone college. Her parents each died of drug overdoses in the past few years.

The Mrs. Maine role gives Radley a wonderful opportunity to let people - especially kids - know that they can overcome anything and succeed. Radley, who has two sons and is also a foster parent, recently discussed her role and other issues with Raising Maine:

RAISING MAINE: How did you manage as a child? Did anyone step in to help you?
RADLEY: I spent a lot of time at my friends' houses, and I was active in sports. My basketball coach, Bruce Gendron, was a really big help. He filled the gap and became that father figure. I owe so much to him – he was my guardian angel. Many people never knew there was a problem in my family. I was actually a happy kid as far as anyone knew, and I had many friends. I'd have a lot of sleepovers at my friends' houses. With one friend, I would get up and sit for hours with her mom, and she showed me attention. She'd let me know that I was worth more than what I was shown at home. I would get that encouragement from her, and that's what kept me grounded. Then I'd go home and stay in my room.

RAISING MAINE: How did you go to college?
RADLEY: I played basketball and softball in high school, and my coach paid my college application fees. I got scholarships to go to Salem State College. But it was hard to be away at school and not really have support from home at school. I left after the first year and moved to North Carolina, where I met my husband. After we got married, I finished college at the University of New England and became an R.N., working at Maine Medical Center and at a veterans' home on the side. And now I work at Radley's Market in Old Orchard Beach, a family business. My husband bought it from his dad 11 years ago, and I'm the pseudo-accountant.

RAISING MAINE: What made you enter the pageant?
RADLEY: Well, I was teaching high school kids at the Westbrook Vocational Center, and the Miss Maine at the time came in to help with a fashion show we were having, and she spoke about her platform. The students said, "Mrs. Radley, YOU should do that!" I disregarded it because I wasn't interested, but then the next year, I tore my ACL playing soccer and wasn't able to do sports. One night I just asked my husband what he would think of me trying out to be Mrs. Maine, and it was so out of character! But he was very supportive, and I just decided to do it.

RAISING MAINE: What did you have to do to prepare?
RADLEY: It wasn't a whole lot. I kept it very informal. I'm not an elaborate person. I just got my photo taken at the mall. I worked out a little more, which was good because I needed to anyway because of my knee. I had to find a swimsuit and evening gown. I found the gown on a clearance rack at Macy's for $10. A friend of mine added a train for another $10. So that was the evening gown that won! Some people spent hundreds, if not thousands of dollars on their gowns, and mine was $20.

RAISING MAINE: How nervous were you during the competition?
RADLEY: You know what? I just wasn't that nervous. I did get a little nervous when I was waiting to go on stage to answer a question. I just went blank and couldn't think of anything. But then I got out there and spoke from the heart, and it was fine.

RAISING MAINE: How did you and your family react when you won?
RADLEY: Oh, it was awesome to look down at my husband. Of course, he was so proud. I wish my kids had gone, but they were very excited when they found out.

RAISING MAINE: What happened at the national pageant?
RADLEY: I was out there with 53 fabulous women, on a Las Vegas stage, and I didn't fall or flub up. So, for me, it was a great success! I have a lot of good memories from nationals.

RAISING MAINE: How are you making the most of this position?
RADLEY: My goal is to make it to as many schools as possible, to talk about breaking the cycle of dysfunctional families. I want kids to know that it's their choice about how they want to live – that their lives are in their hands, and that they can choose to follow that dysfunctional way or choose not to. Sharing my story is very cathartic and therapeutic, too.

RAISING MAINE: What made you and your husband decide to become foster parents, and how was that process?
RADLEY: When I was going through the process, you have to be an open book, and I was so ashamed of my childhood. I talked to the social worker about this and asked if my background would stop us from being able to do this, and she said, "Absolutely not! You could have been this child." And I realize that my background does make me the person I am now. I don't want a pity party. I know this sounds odd, but I wouldn't change a thing.

RAISING MAINE: How's your life now?
RADLEY: Amazing. Sometimes I pinch myself now. I have a great life.

RAISING MAINE: How have your feelings changed about pageants?
RADLEY: I realize I really had a stereotype in my mind, like a lot of people. But it's so much more than being a certain look or being a pretty girl with a crown on. For me, it's been about overcoming a challenge and getting my message out – that the future is what you make it, and that your goals are attainable. It was about being able to stand in front of a panel of judges and tell my story and not be embarrassed. And to realize I could share my experiences and help someone else.

RAISING MAINE: What do you think this experience has taught your sons?
RADLEY: I think my sons have learned from watching me, and they understand that what's really important is the person inside. They're not afraid to talk with people and be friendly.

RAISING MAINE: Would you enter another pageant?
RADLEY: I'll see at the end of this year. If there's still more of my message to tell, I absolutely would consider it.