Raising Maine

Your new infant son is colicky. Your toddler is on the move and into everything. Your school age child has begun challenging your patience by refusing to go to school. You only have two weeks of maternity leave left and you are wondering how you are going to return to work and survive. Is there anything about these scenarios that you can relate to? There are bound to be certain times for any parent when everything feels overwhelming and intense. Occasions when you wonder how you are going to carry on and extremely hopeful that things will shift soon.

If you are facing any situation such as is, one that makes you feel as if you are moving through quicksand, I have three words for you - It will pass. There are times during those challenging years that may seem never ending but in retrospect, you may find yourself asking, "Where did all the time go?" In the big scheme of things, the very active parenting years do fly by so how can one manage to take advantage of every precious minute despite the stressful and overwhelming feelings they may generate? Here are some ideas to help ease your stress level, build your confidence and experience your parenting years to the fullest:

- Stop, breathe and reflect: When you feel as if things are falling down around you and you find it difficult to enjoy your parenting try to put a halt on all of your thougths and bring yourself fully to the present moment. Stand still, take a deep breath and allow yourself to focus on your feelings and the feelings of your child then ask yourself what outcome you desire for everyone involved. By bringing your full attention to the situation and tuning into your inner voice you will open yourself up to new insights that have the potential to transfer a difficult situation into a more positive one.

- Keep your expectations in check: Be mindful of the expectations you have for your children and consider if they are in your child's best interest. Ask yourself if they are developmentally appropriate. Unrealistic expectations do not work in anyone's favor, they only add to everyone's stress level and are counter-productive to positive interactions and deny you the ability to enjoy your parenting.

- Maintain a diary: Keeping a diary of sorts will will help you replay the memories that might escape you in the future when you do look back and question, "Where DID all that time go?" The act of writing things down may also help you gain a perspective that might not have occured to you in the moment. Your entires do not have to be lengthy, they can be simple notations that jog your memory for details when reviewed. I used my appointment book for this purpose entering tidbits about my kids on a daily basis. Then I would review and compile a list of memories, achievements and occurances to share with each child on their birthday which turned out to be a wonderful activity and created memorable keepsakes as well.

- Never let up on your self-care: Your children function best when you are at the top of your game. When mom and dad are physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually nourished everyone benefits! Getting adequate rest, maintaining social ties, addressing emotions and feeding your spirit are great protective factors. Doing this will boost your ability to manage those overwhelming and chaotic periods. Parents are more likely to be happy and enjoy their parenting when they attend to their own well-being.

If nothing else, always remind yourself to focus on the positive and appreciate the little things. If you do this on a daily basis it is bound to lift your spirits and get you through the tough times until they pass, and I promise you they will.