Gennyfer Hanvey lives in Portland. She is a mother of five children living in an ultra-blended family of 9 that includes a nephew, making the kids outnumber the adults 2 to 1 at home. She has decided to count the pets as adults to even the odds. Gennyfer did freelance tech-support for many years but is currently staying at home, training to be a ringmaster in a three ring circus. While juggling many schedules and plumbing the depths of how unsuited she is to domestic servitude, she is writing to ascertain if an Author is finally that elusive thing she is to be when she grows up.
@Gennyfer
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My hope for the future
Nov 4, 2009 09:52 AM
Categories: Motherhood Town: Portland
After the results of the election were in last night I was sad. I'm still sad. I still have hope.
I explained to my wonderful little girl, who helped me vote so people who love each other like out beloved uncles could get married, that we lost. She asked why people would not want people to be able to marry someone they liked. Honestly, I had trouble explaining that one to her. I don't think I did the best job but she seemed satisfied with my vague answers.
She wondered off and I continued about my morning, getting dressed and ready to take her to school. She came back, pen & paper in hand, with this:
She told me it says "Do you want people like us to get married?" (Thank goodness she is willing to translate for me, I love this early writing stage)
She circled "No" because that was how we voted yesterday but she meant yes.
She wrote "us" because that is how she sees it. Loving my uncle for every second of my life is probably why I've always seen it that way too.
Heading down the stairs she asked me if our uncles would still be able to come to visit for Christmas. I stopped halfway down the stairs, tears in my eyes, gathered her in my arms, hugging her. I said "Oh honey, of course they can come visit still."
"Right". She said, very matter-of-fact. "They just can't get married here."
But, with children like her and my other 4, growing up to be loving and accepting, my hope for the future is, one day they will.
I explained to my wonderful little girl, who helped me vote so people who love each other like out beloved uncles could get married, that we lost. She asked why people would not want people to be able to marry someone they liked. Honestly, I had trouble explaining that one to her. I don't think I did the best job but she seemed satisfied with my vague answers.
She wondered off and I continued about my morning, getting dressed and ready to take her to school. She came back, pen & paper in hand, with this:
She told me it says "Do you want people like us to get married?" (Thank goodness she is willing to translate for me, I love this early writing stage)
She circled "No" because that was how we voted yesterday but she meant yes.
She wrote "us" because that is how she sees it. Loving my uncle for every second of my life is probably why I've always seen it that way too.
Heading down the stairs she asked me if our uncles would still be able to come to visit for Christmas. I stopped halfway down the stairs, tears in my eyes, gathered her in my arms, hugging her. I said "Oh honey, of course they can come visit still."
"Right". She said, very matter-of-fact. "They just can't get married here."
But, with children like her and my other 4, growing up to be loving and accepting, my hope for the future is, one day they will.
GeriNurse says,
I too am sad about this, honestly I thought we had so much more of a chance to win this.....No, I will not give up hope either....
Your daughter's note is precious and she says it so very well :)
Nov 4, 2009 10:22 AM
LUV2LOSE says,
I'm sangry (sad and angry) We could have won. I know there were people who support gay marriage but not enough to get to the polls to make it official. If they were a little more motivated or if they personally knew a couple who wanted and deserved to get married, the outcome would have been different.
Nov 4, 2009 10:34 AM
Girl Talk says,
We had a similar discussion about this... it is hard to explain to my kids why some people feel threatened by two people of the same sex falling in love and getting married.
Nov 4, 2009 03:23 PM
EventerMom says,
Similar story here. I think many older folks were also confused by the wording - like my mom. My daughter has a very good friend in school who is openly gay and today - he wore all black. She is very upset for him. I do think the next generation will change. I hope the next generation will change. But with moms like us ... the prospect is good.
Nov 4, 2009 05:53 PM
Happy Mom says,
I really do think a lot of people were genuinely confused about which way they were voting. I had read about the issue repeatedly and was comfortable with my "no" but still had to re-read the actual ballot because of the weird way it was written - long run on (like this) with not enough punctuation. I think if education was less social-agenda rich and more about the 3Rs, people would feel more comfortable too. I know people who support gay marriage but who were spooked about the co-mingling of education with this issue. i.e. They feel all sexual education and associated social teaching belongs in the home - especially in the elementary school years. And while I agree on the parenting/what should be taught in schools front, I was confident with my "no" on 1 anyway. I guess I'm just trying to say as always, I wish it was more cut and dry - I think "no" on 1 would have made it. (Or I like to think it would have.)
Nov 4, 2009 06:33 PM
MomsForJoy says,
I had to wonder if wacky wording was done on purpose. I am still a bit angry.
Nov 5, 2009 11:00 AM
KathyEliscu says,
I'm taking it as a good sign that the vote was so close - and there is time and opportunity for more growth and education. I understand some people's discomfort with a fairly major societal change such as this, and I am remembering how long it has taken for other things to not only change in law, but change in hearts. Women's rights, civil rights for African- Americans, all kinds of changes people have worked hard for - change is slow, but it's a-comin'. What I don't understand, though, is how it is that people see something as their idea of marriage through the eyes of only their own religion. Should we all conform to some far-away religious concept of marriage from another part of the world? Must my neighbor have the same beliefs as me? Humans have such tunnel vision, it's amazing. This issue will not go away. I am in disagreement with many from my own place of worship, although certainly not alone. And as for me, I pray (yes, that's right, pray) for tolerance and acceptance. My vote will be the same next time around, and maybe there will be a few more. I also agree about the wording, not only on this issue, but on so many in the past. We need these questions worded more clearly. As one person commented today, there are double and triple negatives to the point that you don't know what you're voting.
Nov 5, 2009 10:33 PM
Gennyfer says,
I really could not have imagined coming this close in my lifetime but now I think I'll see equality happen for my loved ones in our lifetime. And that, despite the loss this week, fills me with hope & joy.
Nov 6, 2009 06:45 PM
A&AMom says,
This morning I felt and looked a bit emotional about the Nov 3rd vote and had to explain to my 5-year-old why I had tears in my eyes. She gave me lots of snuggles and hugs and went off to school. When I picked her up she asked if I was still sad and offered the following, " I have some ideas; you could be alone, watch a little TV, take a nap, go back to work and drink lots of water, or read a magazine and don't worry I know where a lot of magazines are". Just thought these were such great ideas to combat sadness in any form that you might could use them too. I don't feel better about the vote, but I do feel uplifted by the care of a 5-year-old child whose compassion knows no bounds and will be the future of this nation.
Nov 6, 2009 04:54 PM
Gennyfer says,
Awww. She is a sweetheart. Sounds like she learned some great, cheer yourself up, techniques from her mom.
Nov 6, 2009 06:46 PM
ForeverMom says,
My 30 year old daughter, who is in a relationship with a woman and living in North Carolina, stayed up late to get the final reaults of the vote her in Maine. I was greeted int the morning by her email message. She said the hardest part was that people cheered, applauded and partied when " Yes on 1" carried the vote. She cried, couldn't sleep and wondered why people hate them. Lots of sadness for me on Wednesday, as well.
She has pointed out to me in the past, that when the argument against same gender marriage becomes the recruitment of children to a gay lifestyle, you know they are getting desperate.
Really, if people would just think about that for about 30 seconds, they would realize it is a ridiculous argument. If it were true that teachers have an agenda to "Teach children to be gay", what could their motive possibly be? Especially when you consider that the majority of teachers are heterosexual. It is purely an effort to frighten parents and pure nonsense.
Nov 7, 2009 05:59 PM
Gennyfer says,
There were so many here who shared her heartache on that day. My oldest son said that people in his school were stunned and upset that it passed. Most of them can not vote, yet. But they will be able to someday soon and some day soon your daughter will have equal rights, as will we all, because my rights are not equal unless hers are too.
Nov 7, 2009 06:05 PM
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